January 28, 2010 by bodegalife
Is it REALLY that important?
*Sigh*
Never thought I would see this day come. Not in a million years. I never thought that one would have to resort to posting such a crude sign on the bathroom door JUST so I wouldn’t be disturbed when I’m “chunking a duece”…..”sending a fax”…….”sitting on the throne”…..”hablando con Mistoyca (Mistoycagando, that is)”.
But thats what its come to.
It’s bad enough that I havent been able to eat a hot meal in about seven years because I’m too busy taking care of customers. Baby Jesus forbid I *attempt* to try and have a conversation over the phone while I’m at work without any interruptions…….
But I’m cool with that. I understand that my profession requires certain sacrifices from me. And I’m more than willing to concede certain luxuries such as eating a hot meal. But my bathroom time!?!??!
NO.
HELL NO.
I don’t know about ya’ll….but my toilet time is sacred. Dropping the “kids” off at the pool is one of the few times I have to just relax. Unwind. Think about things. Rehearse my good guy routine for my customers. Plan out the rest of my day. Think about what I’m gonna have for dinner, or even read a good comic book. But when I have these wild ass, no manner having customers screaming my name at the top of their lungs…..KNOCKING (yes knocking) on the bathroom door WHILE I’m trying to wipe my ass?!?!
And for what?
To ask if you can get a beer and some cigarettes on credit? To see if I can please ring you up at the other register because your in a rush?!?!
Really?
You KNOW DAMN WELL I am NOT gonna give you any credit. Especially if I gotta get up off the toilet just so you can ask me. And I have no problem ringing you up if your in a rush…but honestly, I am NOT getting up off the toilet with a shitty ass to ring you up. I’d rather you NOT buy anything and just go to the bodega down the street.
I even had a dude that had the audacity to knock on the door and tell ME to hurry up because he had to take a piss. And don’t even get me started about the time I had a guy screaming my name at the top of his lungs and knock on the door just because he wanted to say “hi”.
*double SIGH*
I wonder if this happens in grocery stores that are in good neighborhoods. Of course it doesn’t……
Only in my bodega……
Posted in comedy, life, work | Tagged Bodega, comedy, do not distrub, FML, funny, go away, life, manners, privacy, sign, toilet | 6 Comments »
December 30, 2009 by bodegalife
Greetings and salutations, BodegaLife faithful!
I apologize for my extended absence, but a bodeguero has been busy as of late. Starting in mid
Continue Reading »
Posted in work | Tagged brb, FML, leave of absence, time off, work | 2 Comments »
December 7, 2009 by bodegalife
Music is essential to me getting through my day at work. It provides the necessary entertainment and distraction (if that makes sense) to keep me from going insane. Im always searching for great music, and when I do come across something worth while, I feel the need to share it.
Enter the homie B.YONEST, hailing from Columbus, OH. With sharp, witty rhymes and a descriptive flow, B paints pictures with his words, Continue Reading »
Posted in music | Tagged B.YONEST, hip hop, music, Ohio, Sha'ul | Leave a Comment »
December 4, 2009 by bodegalife
Hookers. Got to love ‘em……
….from a bodega owner’s standpoint, that is. Aside from the occasional chin check in the parking lot from their “ Booking Agents” (The word “Pimp” has such a negative connotation), they rarely cause any trouble, and are excellent customers. They create a steady stream of revenue for me all Continue Reading »
Posted in comedy, work | Tagged barf-o-rama, bills, bodily fluids, bookig agents, breakfast, clorox, comedy, dirty, hookers, life, micro mini, money, pimps, prostitutes, ramen noodles, rubber gloves, silly, stand by me, throwing up, wet, work, ziploc | 5 Comments »
November 19, 2009 by bodegalife
Why cant parents control their kids in public?
Why is it that I ALWAYS have to tell some lil snot nosed, dirty ass kid to stop running in my store, while the parents just stand there and do nothing? They wont tell them to stop running around like crack induced maniacs, but they will get offended when I tell the little terrorist to “take that shit outside”….. In those exact words.
I feel like I should stand at Continue Reading »
Posted in comedy, work | Tagged comedy, kids, laugh, life, maniacs, mom, Mr.Softee, parenting, public, Rosemarys baby, run, storytelling, supermarket, tempur tantrums, terrorist, track and field | 5 Comments »
November 12, 2009 by bodegalife
Im not the prettiest dude in the world.
Well, actually, Im lying…..Im a pretty mofo.
Ive never really had problems picking up girls. To be honest, I attribute it to my confidence and wit. I do well with people, especially in a group. I tend to stand out, because, well, Im silly. Im not scared to crack jokes on myself, say outlandish things, and of course, crack wise about others.
I wouldnt say Im extremely picky….especially if Im drunk…..but I do have standards; sometimes… Continue Reading »
Posted in comedy, life, work | Tagged Bodega, comedy, Drunk, Fish, Girls, Island, kids, life, Pretty, relationships, South Beach, Titanic, WIC, women | 4 Comments »
November 5, 2009 by bodegalife
So Sha’ul and I are having our usual morning conversation about Central Americans doing pirouettes, music and which one of my butchers is the bigger douche bag, when in comes this short, old, Mikhail Gorbachev looking Cuban.
He apparently forgot to take his Continue Reading »
Posted in comedy, random, work | Tagged Bodega, life, comedy, Old man, crazy, SAP, spanish, get out, marriage, crack kills, adhd, ritalin, adderall, cocktail, Communist, Bon ton, corn chips, women, Mikhail Gorbachev | 13 Comments »
October 27, 2009 by bodegalife
Theres nothing worse than going through personal issues while youre at work. Its like time slows down to a snails pace when someone is spazzing on the other end of the phone. To say Ive been having issues with my “on again, off again” girlfriend of 5 years would be an understatement. And sadly, most of the drama plays out while I am at work. This causes me a great deal of stress (that I really dont need) and pretty much just messes up my day. Apparently, certain people cease to develop social and motor skills beyond a certain age (in her case, Im guessing that was around 8 or 9 years of age) that are required to be in a mature relationship. Must be something in the water where she grew up. But I digress……Ill open up that can of worms at a later date……..
Where was I? Continue Reading »
Posted in life, work | Tagged corona, girlfriend, life, Lotto, relationships, spaz, spazzing, stress, wooo-sah, work | 2 Comments »
October 27, 2009 by bodegalife
Every morning, as Im sipping on my cup o coffee, and looking through my closet, I find myself in the same dilemma. What the f*@k do I wear to work?!?!
I know youre probably thinking: “Listen to this ol Metrosexual ass mofo whining about what to wear”.
Let me explain why its such a pain to decide what to wear. Aside from selling lotto tickets, berating the drunkies who are a nickel short for their beer EVERYTIME they go in my store, and thwarting would be quarter water and lil debbie Zebra cake (deeeee-lic-ous, btw!) thieves, we also prepare lechon asado (FYI:we are taking orders for the upcoming holidays already!). I need not explain to my fellow Latinos/Hispanics what a lechon asado is, but for all my readers who werent born with the Continue Reading »
Posted in random, work | Tagged Bodega, Bruno Magli, coffee, comedy, Family guy, fashion, Herbert, jordans, life, Metrosexual, pervert, pig, porky pig, Sazon Goya, store, wardrobe, work | 3 Comments »
October 27, 2009 by bodegalife
So, today was a pretty uneventful day at la bodega. We’ve been having a lot of those lately. You would think a business that sold food….which everyone needs to eat in order to live….would be recession proof. Well, it isn’t. People have been cutting back on everything, including what they consume. I’ll admit, it’s a bit disheartening. You go from not being able to stock the shelves fast enough to keep up with the demand for, oh I don’t know, lets say Campbell’s Star noodles and Chicken soup, to watching them collect dust and expire before you can sell them. I’ve tried every sales gimmick in the book. From reducing prices, to offering “buy one, get one free/half off”, etc., etc., and nada. My customers have been laid off, had their hours cut at work, or are just Continue Reading »
Posted in life | Tagged Bodega, broke, campbell soup, choices, food, laid off, life, patient, personal, recession, reflective, work | 1 Comment »
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